Jonathan Pedneault, the Green Party of Canada’s fearless co-leader, has come up with a revolutionary idea to protect Canadian democracy from the looming specter of Donald Trump: eliminate free speech, criminalize political opinions, and turn the country into a military outpost. Because, as everyone knows, the best way to fight authoritarianism is by… being authoritarian first.
In his latest proposal, Pedneault suggests making it a criminal offense to advocate for annexation, restricting what Canadians can and cannot say. That’s right—in the name of democracy, he’s calling for less democracy. Because clearly, the greatest threat to Canada isn’t Trump’s trade war or his military posturing, but Canadians thinking the wrong thoughts.
But wait—there’s more! The Green Party’s grand vision also includes:
• More military spending (because nothing says “environmentalism” like tanks and fighter jets).
• Arming the public to fight U.S. troops (yes, really).
• Learning from Ukraine’s guerrilla warfare tactics (which have, by the way, resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths and massive territorial losses).
Of course, giving civilians guns to fight a superpower sounds like a foolproof plan—if the goal is to chase clickbait headlines and build on Elizabeth May’s attention grabbing speech about Canadian annexation of California. Who cares about morals, human lives or sound policy when likes, shares and comments are involved! Never mind the fact that Ukraine itself has lost vast amounts of territory and suffered an astronomical death toll while following this exact strategy. The same can be said for Afghanistan and Iraq. Pedneault insists that Canada should learn from their example!
And then, there’s the cherry on top: diplomacy? Dialogue? Working with allies to de-escalate tensions? Not even on the table. Instead, Pedneault is doubling down on threats, “red lines,” and “retaliations.” Apparently, he believes Trump will back down if Canada bans Fox News and makes it illegal to say nice things about America annexation
Meanwhile, Green Party of Quebec leader Alex Tyrrell has offered a radical counterpoint: how about we try peaceful alternatives? He rightly points out that fighting the United States militarily would be a disaster and should not even be considered. But who needs peace when you can march your country into a war it can’t possibly win?
Jonathan Pedneault’s master plan boils down to this: sacrifice democracy, ramp up militarism, and ensure that Canada is prepared for a long, bloody, and unwinnable conflict. It’s a brilliant strategy—if the goal is to feed Canadians into a meat grinder.
But hey, at least the Green Party finally settled on a new logo—a big, empty green dot.
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